(1/2) “I’ll start by saying it, so it doesn’t come out of nowhere; we had a neonatal lose. My first pregnancy was unexpected twins. I had a very healthy pregnancy, and everything looked great until one night, at 32 weeks, I woke up in full blown preterm labor. They tried to stop it but couldn’t. During the delivery my daughter suffered a birth injury and was sent straight to the NICU, my son went to the special care nursery. My daughter passed away at 5 days old. So, my introduction breastfeeding was probably 4 or 5 hours after the C-section, when someone realized they should probably get me a pump. I started pumping in between seeing the babies. Then eventually someone thought to put a pump bedside with the babies. This all happened in Texas, in one of the largest medical centers in the world.  I assume preterm babies are likely delivered there every day. But it was as if no one had ever had to support a mother with preterm babies who wanted to breastfeed. They gave my daughter some of my milk through a tube, but no one had thought to bring me into the room when they did. It’s just that one thing that I wish so much I had been there for. My son was able to take a bottle, and after about a week of him in the NICU I asked if someone would get me a lactation consultant, so I could put him to the breast. Keeping his temperature stable meant I only had 20 minutes with him out of the isolette at a time. It always felt so rushed, and it didn’t feel natural. He was a preemie who had already been getting a bottle for a week, so his latch wasn’t great. At two months old after so much struggle and so many tears, we decided to start exclusively pumping. We continued to pump exclusively for 11months, and he did wonderfully. Exclusively pumping is the worst of both worlds.  You’re cleaning bottles, making milk, feeding the baby. I still hate to pump, I have a physical reaction to pumping. Although I do it, it’s just horrible. I just knew if I could do anything for this preemie to help him grow, I needed to do it.”

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Ashlan Taylor at Portland Birth Stories
Portland, Oregon
www.ashlantaylor.com